I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
