and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
