New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
