I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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