Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
