Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
