I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
