Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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