my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
