I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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