Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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