Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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