Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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