I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
