Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
