when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
