Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
