I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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