please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
