we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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