names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
