Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
