she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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