All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
