Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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