even my farts smell like vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
