I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
