His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
