I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
