Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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