Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
