dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
