i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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