I'm gonna have a badass scar
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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