Walk of Shame. In a state park.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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