Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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