She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
