if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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