i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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