i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My feet surprised me
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