o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
