oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
