That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
