I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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