at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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