You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
