YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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