Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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