I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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