if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
