no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
