I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
