mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dicks are not precious.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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