no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
