I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
